The Winter Muse...

Hey Everyone,

Did you get hit by that crazy snowstorm this week? I'm sick of snowstorms! I've decided that midwest winters ceased to be fun once I got an apartment, car, and job that requires me to travel to work. Life was so much simpler before I had to drive in the winter... I am extremely thankful though that my apartment is warm, my car works, and God provided me with a snow day on the day with our worst weather and safe roads for the rest of the week. I know that spring will come. It will come sooner than I expect (because life just seems to work that way). Things always come when you least expect them. But, for right now, I'm stuck in the winter muse. I just have a head full of thoughts, and I thought I'd share them with you.

School is going well. I've dealt with some trials, but no more than any other first year teacher I suppose. I find myself constantly struggling with the balance of caring enough and caring too much. I always err on the side of caring too much, then have to pull myself back from the edge of beating myself up for my failures.

I love my job though. Teaching is something I was definitely meant to do. From the minute I see my students faces when they get something, to watching their excitement about a project or experiment, to the notes, candy, and apples (yes apples) that get left on my desk, teaching is a blessing. I love school - learning, teaching, growing, and even the frustrations. It's all one big roller coaster that I don't want to stop riding.

I can't wait for summer! I can't wait to marry Sam, the man I love with my whole heart. I sometimes laugh at myself because I look back at our engagement last June and realize that we have been engaged for 7 and a half months, yet I look forward to the last 4 months with a dread like they are never going to end. When did my brain start thinking that 4 months is so much longer than 7 and a half? I know I'm going to make it, and I know that the next few months are going to bring their own joys, struggles, excitements and tears like the last 7, but the end will be the sweetest of all, because it will be a beginning.

Marriage is something I'm excited for in part because I am realizing how lonely it is to live alone. Some of you reading this might understand what it feels like to live alone, and others may think I'm nuts, but I miss the hustle and bustle of Dordt. Even if I was alone in my room, I could hear people around me. I could sit in the Campus Center and people-watch if I was lonely. There were things to do. Dordt wasn't perfect, of course, but when I sit here tonight watching television simply to hear the sound of another voice, I miss it. Sam and I don't get to see eachother as much, especially this month with me getting the flu and then him traveling with the other engineers to Chicago. If I was still at Dordt, I could find him in the lab or visit his room just to say hi.

So, I guess this post falls perfectly in line with my blog title: musings. Just some random thoughts from my random brain. Some happy, some sad, some confused...just Meg.